It is a cold gray day and we have had our first snow – at least the first snowfall that is worthy of attention here in the snowbelt. A county snowplow, first of the season, clears a trail down our country road. I am grateful to be inside. In the middle of reading an interesting book, I need a break, so I reach for my teacup and take a sip. I love this fragile teacup and use it only when I am in the proper mood for sipping from fragile teacups. It is beautifully painted with small blue and yellow pansies and at this moment it is filled with hot Earl Grey tea. A cup of tea never fails to warm my body and quiet my mind. While I sit thinking about my lifelong love of tea, an unexpected memory breaks into my thoughts. It begins as a tiny crack, but then tries to grab hold. Not wanting to lose it, I give in, close my eyes, and let it come to life.
In my mind’s eye I see the house that I lived in with my parents, 3 siblings, and grandma.
I am 6 years old, just home from school and in the kitchen. It is 3:00 - time for tea with grandma! There is the much-used faded yellow tea kettle on the back burner of the stove. Its steam escapes and begins to whistle for attention. While grandma answers the call of the teakettle, I go to the linen drawer and take out the old, treasured tablecloth, the one with grandma’s hand embroidered daisies and buttercups. I am reminded before every teatime that Grandma created those daisies and buttercups when she was young and lived in a village in England. Aware of the responsibility entrusted to me, I slowly and very carefully unfold it and cover our mahogany dining room table. Next, come the two ordinary white linen napkins. Job completed; I skip back to the kitchen (no running in the house!) to tell grandma that the table is ready. She sets out the matching teacups and saucers. They are followed by two small dessert plates, a glass cut sugar bowl and a small pitcher of milk (always milk-not cream).
Grandma's dark blue eyes look over the table making certain everything is in its proper place. We take our seats, lay the napkins on our laps, and I say a prayer thanking God “for what we are about to receive.” The tea has steeped and is ready to pour. Reaching for one of the tea biscuits (aka arrowroot cookies from the local A&P), I watch grandma pour my tea. Proudly I add my own sugar and milk without making any spills. We enjoy our tea and biscuits and begin
to chat, as only grandma and I can do, and manage to cover the important topics that grandma believes should be brought to my attention. First is the importance of good manners
no matter the circumstances. Grandma genuinely believed there was no excuse for being rude. She was one of the gentlest, kindest people I knew. Next, there is the need to practice before I go to my weekly piano lesson with “Watch your fingering! " Miss Perlman. Grandma played the piano herself, mostly hymns, and was patient in listening to my second-year attempts at finishing “The Unfinished Symphony.”
My too-often poor attitude about attending school did not go unnoticed and a reminder from grandma would shame me into a better attitude for at least a week. Lastly grandma always asked me what I would like to be when I grew up. That was definitely my favorite topic and my answer is quick and full of innocence: “I’d like to be a ballerina ( I was, after all, taking dance lessons at the Helen Smith Dance Studio), or maybe a figure skater (Dad was a good figure skater and I already have my own skates and skating skirt) or maybe a singer on the Lawrence Welk Show (and become friends with Janet Lennon and wear pretty dresses and be on TV!). Grandma was encouraged that being a featured dancer on American Bandstand was not on my list. She once found me watching the popular show and was thereafter on her guard.
As quickly as this memory came to life, it begins to fade and returns to its holding place. Reluctantly, I open my eyes. Oh, how I would love to have one more teatime with my dear grandma.
These many years later my memory of teatime with her is a comfort to me, especially on this dreary day. I know I was blessed to have a grandma who had time to sit and talk to me and, more importantly, to listen to me. She was a kind, gentle, but no-nonsense woman who had inner strength obvious even to a six-year-old. Although I never became a ballerina, a figure skater, or a singer and close friend of Janet Lennon on the Lawrence Welk Show, I did eventually become a grandmother – and I would not trade that for anything.
I spend time with my grandchildren whenever possible and hope that one day in the future, when they have grown up and perhaps are grandparents themselves, they will have happy memories of their times with Grandma Julie.
Are you a grandparent? Perhaps you fill the role of a grandparent in a young person’s life. I know it’s quite a different world today. Life is hectic, grandparents are a different breed today, often holding down jobs past retirement age and involved in spare time activities unheard of in my youth. Childhood is short lived today. Many young children lead busy, scheduled lives. For some, electronics have become an even greater part of their life than their grandparents (or parents!) This means that we grandparents must try harder to be available and to reach out to them and not become discouraged if they are slow to respond. Every child wants to be loved, paid attention to, listened to. As a fellow grandparent, I encourage you to make every effort to stay connected. Do not wait for birthdays or holidays. Before you or they become any older make plans to spend time together. If not in person, then set up a zoom meeting or FaceTime or just call! And when you do have time together, take an interest and ask them what is new in their lives. Do not be surprised if they want to know more about your childhood. Begin making new memories - for them and for you. And if there’s time, have a cup of tea.